“I was in high school when I got my third proposal, it became a trend. My parents looked for suitors and all I had to do is approve or disapprove the offer.”
A stunning lady bordering her early twenties
from an Indian decent sits across me in one of those many junk chill-out spots
in Nairobi town. She narrates her life and background in Mombasa, and how
everyone was inclined to dictate her life and none committed to asking her
opinion.
My education/studies were all in command by
others, she also explained about her interest in fine arts and how it was all
in vain as her parents urged her to pursue a more serious profession like accounting
and handling the greens.
The reason
as to why many girls feel the need to comply with the idea of an arranged
marriage is due to lineage continuity. Preserving a girl’s purity and prevent
her from promiscuity or preserving their cultures and making them more entitled
to an ever rich family tree that can be easily traced back to their ancestors.
That’s the fate a number of ladies have fallen victim to.
So far,
she has had a great number of suitors, but none that she could claim a hand to.
My parents and elders have to do profound research to know my parents suitors, our
historical alliance, religion, as well as them having a deep liking to their
cultural norms. This is more or less the foundation to a rich relationship
according to them, she says.
She sipped
the cold beverage in the hot humid Nairobi afternoon, trying to ease her tension
as it is viewed as taboo to talk about such intimate topics from where she
comes from.
“Everyone has the right of choosing to be with whoever they prefer, as long as it is not forced upon them.” She also insisted that, “there are high percentages of arranged marriages working better than love marriages.”
Majority
of the ladies I interviewed were pro-arranged marriages. One said that being married
to a stranger brings in the benefit of the doubt and marks it as adventurous.
Most of them preferred to remain anonymous, but here are some of their opinions
to the matter.
“I’m neither for nor against an arranged marriage. It’s really a largely cultural issue, and the cons depend on the reason for an arrangement in the first place. It being done for all the wrong reasons like forceful marriage or dowry purposes, then that’s definitely a violation of one’s rights.”
This statement
portrays the idea that an arranged marriage isn’t as harmful as many presume it
is, as long as both parties are inclined to make a decision equally and their
consent is acknowledged.
“if it has been happening with the family’s ancestors and has been going on, then its okay for whoever wants to do it as long as both parties agree to it.”
She also claimed
to witnessed a couple of arranged marriages throughout her life, some proving to be more successful than marriages set between a love couple. she also thinks that the benefit of the doubt offered in such a platform creates room
where people can know each other further.
“That’s prison on its own…. A person should have the freedom to choose their spouse and therefore I would oppose violently.”
Her face seemed
distraught and hit with deep concern after posing the question, she couldn’t imagine
how such an act still existed in this time and age. That is not fair for any
counterpart to ever experience, every lady should have to experience the
princess fairy-tale grandiose idea of falling in love with a prince-charming, she
further purported.
As it is
clearly portrayed, all the ladies spoke of a freedom to choose and not be
forced against their own freewill. But have you thought about the case of an
under-privileged girl not aware of her rights as person. Or that she is
protected by a law of some sort. She is barely educated and her family is
basically doing what they think is best for their well-being not knowing they
might be violating their daughters rights.
I remember
watching an Aljazeera documentary recently where I saw a young girl, an
under-age innocent child who got notified upon her marriage that was to be the
next day. She had valid dreams of becoming a doctor and what not. But in the
blink of an eye, all her dreams were shattered. She later got married at the
age of 13 and became the sole property of her husband, gratifying his needs and
not fully enjoying her rights as a child. Copied below is the link of the
video.
Our
children/daughters don’t have to suffer this fate against their will. For many,
the sole idea of a matrimonial bondage is an exciting event meant to mark or
complete their life cycle as human beings. It is also the date to which one
will get to choose a partner to have a life commitment with. That date will be
the date that will determine ones eternal happiness, a date to which one will
be the central theme to the event.
For many,
it’s a date to be entirely selfish and have all evolving around it. However,
some culturally subservient figures unable to break the societal norm, feel
compliant and not daring to be the exception to the rule. To others, the nature
of life is not flux but permanent.
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